Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘pain’

See The Transformation…

Artist: Danny O'Conner Art By Doc Amazing!!!!! http://art-by-doc.deviantart.com/art/Visions-Of-Summer-355602069

Artist: Danny O’Conner Art By Doc Amazing!!!!! http://art-by-doc.deviantart.com/art/Visions-Of-Summer-355602069

See the transformation,
The change before the change.
The metamorphosis which will be,
When it’s the true you, you embrace.

Her ethereal existence,
Whisper of your tomorrow upon today.
Awaiting the steps of your journey,
Starting with one, your courage displayed.

You’ve been afraid to discover,
What’s destined to be yours.
Truths hidden by layers of facades,
Authenticity masked, hope obscured.

But I see her. Wings unveiled.
Through the hardships and mistakes.
To the light that already is,
And a dawn that waits to break…

©E.D. Allee
February 2015

Dedicated to a friend in a newly blossoming friendship… Angela
Wishing her beauty in self discovery upon her journey.

Within Her Four Walls…

Drowning within her four walls,
Soaked in self made torment.
Submerged in agony,
Little fight left.

Returning to the dark places,
Her mind draws her to.
Surrendering in error,
To the things she once knew.

Perhaps her hurt will all drift away,
Upon gentle waves of continuity.
Perhaps her eyes will open,
And this will have been, but a dream.

Or maybe she’ll drown,
Within her four walls.
Eyes closed forever,
In her slow, steady fall…

©E.D. Allee
September, 2014

Tomorrow…

Day descends once more.

Again, I am left with ache,

Waiting to join her…

©E.D. Allee
September, 2014

No More… Writer’s Digest Poem A Day Challenge Day 25

For today’s prompt, write a “last straw” poem. Everyone encounters situations in which they decide they’re not going to take it anymore (whatever “it” happens to be).

She held on as long as she could
Feet scarred from years of egg shells
Feeling the faint strength within
Increasing in vertical swells

For years she tried to live
Under a powerful radar
Knowing she could do no right
Existing inside a broken avatar

The last straw came
Like lightening ruptured her soul
When he hurt her baby
In a violent rage out of control

Pain had been reserved for her
She knew how to survive
She never felt worth a change
But one forbidden touch opened her eyes…

©E.D. Allee
April, 2014

 

Please Note: “she” is not Me. Thanks for reading.

Revisited…

The pain of yesterday,
Is now the pain of today.
Old hurts resurface,
Showing no mercy or restraint.

New tears are cried,
Off the drips of tears past.
Sorrows thought buried,
Exit their open tombs intact.

But now…

The peace of today,
Strives to shred yesterday’s pains.
God’s love buffers old hurts.
Stale are the tears which remain.

However…

The sorrow is slower to leave.
Spilling and merging with my porous soul.
Painting dull colors upon my countenance,
Making movements surreal and slow.

It cruelly replays dark memories,
Blanketing thick shadows on my heart.
Actively consuming hope,
Tearing apart healing scars,

Mistakes made on destruction’s heels,
Existence defined only as “survive”.
I’m reminded again,
How it feels to be barely alive…

 

Confronting And Accepting No…

image

I feel as though God’s placed it on my heart to write this. The subject was the source of such intense pain as recent as a year ago.  I am unable to have children- one of the hardest things I’ve had to accept. When my faith began to strengthen, and the fog of my addictions started to lift in recovery… God showed me peace. Maybe some of you can relate, and even find some peace.

Why? The question I asked over and over.
I couldn’t understand.
Unable to put my longing to rest,
The dream, that as a little girl, was placed within.

Dreaming of when I’d hold those tiny hands.
Look upon that precious face.
A reflection of God’s love
Staring into my eyes, hope’s gaze.

My heart ached at the sight,
At the touch, at the thought,
At the scent as I held them,
At the sound of their cries, I felt loss.

Movies depicting a new additions’ joy,
Commercials, news of loved one expecting,
No matter how happy I was for them,
Inside, I was so very sad for me.

My friends, my sister… I couldn’t understand.
Perplexed, trying, thinking at times it was real,
Only to find it was false.
A tortuous taunting, I never thought I’d heal.

Then, the day came.
My eyes opened to truth.
I knew God’s plan was perfect,
My heart, was gently soothed.

I don’t have to understand.
I don’t have to know why.
I was such a mess for so long,
Probably best I was denied.

I remember the moment,
When I knew I was healed.
When the brokenness simply remained
In tearful echoes loosely concealed.

On my knees, I prayed to God,
Speaking the words “Thank You”.
Grateful that I was taken care of,
And that my baby, not to be, was too…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Image: http://imagecache6.allposters.com/LRG/27/2793/HM3OD00Z.jpg

 

Bricked Regret…

image

When I address my reflective sight,
I see regret’s birth and nurtured growth.
Brick upon brick of wrong choices,
In valid confidence or carelessness I chose.

The wall I erected and enshrined,
Has mostly collapsed into mounds.
Present in pieces only,
Shifting slowly into my past’s hollowed grounds.

Yet portions of the wall,
Reinforced by recollection’s steel.
Remain sturdy and strong,
I even think I see a new tier.

On that wall, my biggest regrets…

I often consider how ungrateful I used to be,
The endless days spent immersed in self-pity.
How long I lived seeing no one but me.

Rarely recognizing the multitude of blessings I knew.
Focusing on all the hurt and wrongs caused by “you”.
Seeing only reason for anger and resentments upon review.

But, Now I see, eyes perhaps too open.

I’ve been given so much,
Family and provision to sustain me.
Trauma, abuse, but strength to endure,
Often walking dead, yet gifted to breathe.

No matter my pain at any time,
There’s always one who suffers more.
I was so blind to what I had,
Rich in much, living spiritually poor.

Forgive me Father,
For not seeing the truth.
That all the while I justified my rebellion,
I should have been thanking You…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

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