Ever hit one of these,
So hard your nose bleeds,
And u swear you won’t do it again?
You pick yourself up.
You dust yourself off.
And rev up the ole’ flame within.
You’ve grabbed no new tools,
You’re going faster than before,
And you’re head is straight up your ass.
Not a glamorous sight,
But appearance aside…
You’ve learned to fail with class!
The same brick wall.
The same barricade.
Will sanity ever win?
Perhaps you’ll bust it down,
Or maybe go around,
Or simply repeat… ad infinitum.
©2017 Elizabeth Dianne Allee
Image Credit: https://www.deviantart.com/art/brick-texture-m
First round not a threat to life,
Initially many believed.
Fire-works, they began to look,
But colorful lights they did not see.
Screams from the crowd erupted,
People began to run and fall.
Blood started to flow,
From faces, necks and hearts.
Which way to run, no one knew.
What direction were the bullets coming?
At least 20 minutes it seemed, continuous rounds,
Automatic weapons rushing.
58 dead, over 500 injured,
Our city forever changed.
Pray for Las Vegas.
Each victim has a story and a name…
©Elizabeth Dianne Allee
October 3, 2017
Photo Title: Live Mirror
Activated by the tears of momentary regret and hopelessness.
Spaces between are the clarity of needed renewal,
and the brilliant light of optimistic potential.
My crashing life held in tact by both the real and illusory branches of the shedding trees.
There is motion.
I am part of this moving ecosystem.
The rhythmic echoes sustain me.
The live mirror is life.
I am alive.
And I will move forward.
The Obvious and The Hidden is one of my favorite blogs to follow. The titles that are applied to his amazing photography are perfection! I was searching through the history, since it’s been a good while that I’ve been on wordpress, and I went to May 10th- my sobriety date (2014). Note: this photo may be found in 2015. I was moved to remember that day and combine it with the success of today when writing this piece- a little over 17 months clean/sober and feeling great! I kind of dropped off wordpress at that time. Which is crazy!!! My, how time flies!! I was soooo active before. Miss all you guys. Trying to jump back in. Peace to you all.
Pain cuts deep.
Past the surface.
Through bone and flesh.
What happens next…
The lies I once believed,
The whispers in my ears.
The fear born deep within,
Accepting as truth, what I would hear.
Following the insidious leadings,
Into the realm of self destruction.
Smothered by a heavy darkness,
To which I’d helplessly succumb.
Now that power has faded.
Lies replaced with God’s truth.
Fear is buffered within me,
By a shield of faith I lift and use.
I can resist the temptation, when hurt,
Which once locked me in chains.
Tonight I did not drink or use,
Only God could make that change…
The jumping off place,
Pursued by familiar disaster.
Flames, whirling winds,
Consuming the ground
on which you stand.
No time to consider,
You’ve waited too long.
Close your eyes.
Take a breath and let go.
I can’t describe the devastation
The ache within my soul
I really thought this was my last go round
That I’d stay clean and sober, I’d grown
My failing incites hopeless despair
Suggests a lack of progress
I’m so disappointed I must start again
Seems such a futile conquest
My immature reaction grieves me
I want to “make the most” of this relapse
Use and drink as much as I can
Enthusiastically I gravitate to pure collapse
I hear the destructiveness
I hear the surrender and defeat
Yet, I’m grateful God has placed within
Many reasons to hope and believe…
New sobriety date May, 10, 2014
These recent “relapse poems” were written while I was in active drinking/using. I’m feeling much better today. I did not lose all I learned in the one year, three months, and five days I was clean/sober. I have to start the counter again… But I’ve learned so much. Thanks for reading guys. Much love.