Drowning within her four walls,
Soaked in self made torment.
Submerged in agony,
Little fight left.
Returning to the dark places,
Her mind draws her to.
Surrendering in error,
To the things she once knew.
Perhaps her hurt will all drift away,
Upon gentle waves of continuity.
Perhaps her eyes will open,
And this will have been, but a dream.
Or maybe she’ll drown,
Within her four walls.
Eyes closed forever,
In her slow, steady fall…
Day descends once more.
Again, I am left with ache,
Waiting to join her…
The ocean seems to mourn
Drifting softly to the shore
I look to the expansive sea,
Heart heavy with ache.
Moons fullness above,
Stars seek escape.
Wind blows hardened palms,
There’s a rumbling in the tide.
Imagination dances with the mysteries,
The hidden are calling my curious mind.
So dark and deep
What lies beneath
I focus on what I can see
The moon’s silver gleam.
In the distance strikes of lightening
The light is anchoring
To the present moment, enhancing.
Is my heavy heart, right here?
Is my burdened soul, right now?
Waste I this day, tears for tomorrow?
When they’re nowhere to be found?
Is current pain, born of a future yet unborn,
Still the present, because it hurts so bad.
The storm’s in the distance.
It may never arrive, or perhaps it already has…
Written while at Hilton Head Island, SC. Had some hard days after Robin Williams committed suicide. Hit me hard. Will post a couple of poems from that week. Was amazingly beautiful there- right by the ocean.
Her umbrella settles upside down,
Open, but on the ground.
She grasps it by the firm handle,
And drags it slowly, letting it dangle.
The rain is falling in unforgiving buckets,
She’s drenched, cold and adapted to numbness.
Her steps are staggered, her head hangs low,
Dusk is upon her, and she’s all alone.
She feels a pull, a prompting from deep within.
To set the umbrella, upright again.
Slightly hesitant, she complies,
Lifting her head to join her open eyes.
Present once more in the moment,
Awareness restored, yet remaining reticent.
Her feet steadying, weakly standing tall,
Grasping the hand reaching out, preventing her fall.
The hand of God, powerful, and nostalgically familiar,
Love, warmth, and light surreal.
He calms the storm inside her soul,
Her upright umbrella; she’s alone no more.
In the blink of an eye,
My laugh’s become a cry.
Settling anew with tear’s stains,
On the tail end of a fun, energetically sleepless high.
Fearing the decline, the abyss,
Where I find myself trapped for a stint.
Until an appointed time of release,
When the sorrow finally ends.
“They” call it bipolar mood cycling,
The cruel shift, euphoria’s exit.
Echoes of wakefulness spiked with joy,
Turn to liquified, molten lament.
Required to ride it out,
I’ve gotten better with the passing of time.
But I’d rather avoid this darkness,
While I’m waiting to realign.
Note: I wrote this a while back. So, not current emotions.
Pic:http://www.deviantart.com/art/Bipolar-343768006 (a lot of beautiful images from this artist).
Getting in touch with that pain,
The deep seated hurt which whispers
Remembrances upon raw ears.
Escape seems the only option,
So you seek it where you can.
No easement in your bereavement.
No comfort for your soul.
On fire with the unrelenting flames of sadness,
Waiting, biding time, wishing for the numbness
Humanity can never provide.
So you sit alone, and cry…
Seemingly endless tears
Threaten to submerge you in a watery abyss,
Which you prefer to living.
To float upon pains’ waves
In search of an island where you can stay.
Where memories of them
Aren’t tangibly all encompassing.
Void of the trinkets and images
Confined to frames.
The frames with illusive boundaries,
Unable to contain their essence,
Once treasured and admired.
In time these feelings will subside?
One day I won’t be chained to this preoccupation?
Peace will return while I know breath?
Or will I continue to remain in this desolation?
May you look to God,
Comforter to the broken hearted.
I wish you peace for your soul,
And liberation from your despondence.
Time softens the anguish,
Believe what you cannot see
The hope of healing,
And lessening of your grief.