It is in times of great sadness,
That you find me here.
Like strangers we’ve spoken silently,
With words no one could hear…
In those silent moments,
When I’ve not written what’s inside,
There is no ink to suffer bleed,
From the flow of pain’s tide…
©Elizabeth Dianne Allee
September 29, 2017
Staring into a cloudy mirror,
The steam of life’s warm tears in her eyes.
Unable to see herself anymore,
And she can’t remember why…
©E.D. Allee
March, 2014
With urgency, gathering all her strength,
Time progressing in obedience.
She tries to suspend the moment forever,
He’s leaving soon, risking life for defense.
The thought of losing him is torment.
To breathe she needs his love, his heart.
Sharing a singular beat, they’re united as one,
She has to ensure he doesn’t depart.
So she holds tight the the chains she lassoed time with,
As shards of active moments escape.
Knowing within, the efforts are futile,
Tomorrow will come; there will be a new day.
Yet she holds on till hands bleed, and chains empty,
Tears flowing from her darkened skies.
Weak from fighting a battle she couldn’t win,
In powerless despair she now prepares, to say her goodbyes.
©E.D. Allee
March, 2014
Image: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=42978400
Feeling not good enough,
Try as she may.
Holding in her tears,
With a smile on her face.
Trying not to let him hinder her,
He’s only one upon the earth.
She knows in her mind,
He doesn’t measure her worth.
But it’s in her heart,
Where the pain grows stronger.
A tree watered by his acid words. Disapproving glances make her smaller.
Trying to remember the truth she has adopted,
Within the heart God gave her.
Forgetting momentarily, her gained wisdom,
She lets him destroy her happily ever after.
TRUTH:
She’s more than enough,
A beautiful child of the living God.
Perfected daily,
By God’s everlasting, healing love.
©E.D. Allee
March, 2014
Pic: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-Pain-of-Life-404138298
How many a childhood wish was made,
Upon your airy seeds?
Dome of softness obeying the breath,
Blown to set it free.
How many a moment of stillness,
Have you been party to?
When the world slows rotations,
And dreams gather for their debut.
How many a dawn have you witnessed,
At God’s suspension of the night?
How many raindrops have you felt?
How many tears have seen cried?
Dandelion, unassuming and lovely,
A symbol of faith’s releasing.
A microphone speaking into hope,
Encourager of believing…
©E.D. Allee
March, 2014
Pic: http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/152010-bigthumbnail.jpg
I sometimes feel free, in an otherworldly pull,
A drag into slow motion.
Lifted from that which surrounds,
Connected to all that is.
Eyes seeking to remain closed,
Dreaming awake in full consciousness.
A pull I sometimes seek to maintain,
To merge, lean into with surrender.
Thoughts on pause, mind now filled with still light.
Peace…dare I imply?
Serene in a suspended moment?
So sweet, dry tears drift slowly by…
Music, entrancing,
Lifting me, transcending.
Insides soft and electric, aware of my presence,
A way to be high without chemical interference.
The music stops.
©E.D. Allee
March, 2014
If my demise seems premature,
Know I was at peace with this life.
Mourn my passing a short season.
Let the tears fall, then dry your eyes.
There were many years of struggle,
Mixed with joy and triumphant song.
All led me to God’s loving arms
Know I am there where I belong,
Know I loved you with my heart whole.
Thanks for your part in my journey.
You showed me the meaning of love,
And I hope you felt loved by me.
We are not promised our next breath.
I’m pained by thoughts of leaving you.
But there is a purpose and time,
To all, though the days feel too few.
My heart’s a part of yours always,
Immortalized by memories.
I am not gone, I’ve just moved on.
Remain hopeful we’ll again meet.
©E.D. Allee
January, 2014
Note: this is not meant as a melancholy prelude to suicide… Just mortality acknowledgement. Love and peace to you all!
Getting in touch with that pain,
The deep seated hurt which whispers
Remembrances upon raw ears.
Escape seems the only option,
So you seek it where you can.
No easement in your bereavement.
No comfort for your soul.
On fire with the unrelenting flames of sadness,
Waiting, biding time, wishing for the numbness
Humanity can never provide.
So you sit alone, and cry…
Seemingly endless tears
Threaten to submerge you in a watery abyss,
Which you prefer to living.
To float upon pains’ waves
In search of an island where you can stay.
Where memories of them
Aren’t tangibly all encompassing.
Void of the trinkets and images
Confined to frames.
The frames with illusive boundaries,
Unable to contain their essence,
False immortalizations
Once treasured and admired.
In time these feelings will subside?
One day I won’t be chained to this preoccupation?
Peace will return while I know breath?
Or will I continue to remain in this desolation?
May you look to God,
Comforter to the broken hearted. (Matthew 5:4)
I wish you peace for your soul,
And liberation from your despondence.
Time softens the anguish,
Believe what you cannot see
The hope of healing,
And lessening of your grief.
©e.d allee
January, 2014
Drowning in your tears.
Unable to stop their flow.
Wanting to let go…
©E.D. Allee
January, 2014
Picture: http://heatherlgraham.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/crying.jpg
Without you I am nothing
I would be nothing
I would know no hope
There is no hope
There is no peace
I can’t love
I can’t give
I can’t choose what is right
Without You
Without You, The darkness becomes the light
The absence of light is illuminated for closed eyes to see
Eyes shut, unaware they even need to be opened
Plagued by enduring, and debilitating deceit
I once believed Your light, against my darkness,
Would blind my veiled eyes if introduced
I believed the lie that You would reject me
So I attempted to hide my shameful nakedness from You
I feared You would never love one such as I
That there was no place for me in Your arms
It hurt to breathe the same air that sustained Your children
Ceaseless tears, unwanted heartbeats, life unwillingly prolonged
But Your light did not blind my eyes upon opening
Although the radiance exceeded pure glory defined
You saw my nakedness, but knew my heart
And no element of rejection did I find
Only love, compassion, rejoicing over my return
One tiny grain of sand among the multitudes
I didn’t know it at the time; I could not consider it possible
But all along I was Your child, and my return You foreknew
So I’ll express endless gratitude to You my loving Father
Thank You for refusing to let me go
Thank You for choosing to walk with me upon my journey
Without You I am nothing, this I know
©E.D. Allee
December 2013
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