It is in times of great sadness,
That you find me here.
Like strangers we’ve spoken silently,
With words no one could hear…
In those silent moments,
When I’ve not written what’s inside,
There is no ink to suffer bleed,
From the flow of pain’s tide…
©Elizabeth Dianne Allee
September 29, 2017
Staring into a cloudy mirror,
The steam of life’s warm tears in her eyes.
Unable to see herself anymore,
And she can’t remember why…
With urgency, gathering all her strength,
Time progressing in obedience.
She tries to suspend the moment forever,
He’s leaving soon, risking life for defense.
The thought of losing him is torment.
To breathe she needs his love, his heart.
Sharing a singular beat, they’re united as one,
She has to ensure he doesn’t depart.
So she holds tight the the chains she lassoed time with,
As shards of active moments escape.
Knowing within, the efforts are futile,
Tomorrow will come; there will be a new day.
Yet she holds on till hands bleed, and chains empty,
Tears flowing from her darkened skies.
Weak from fighting a battle she couldn’t win,
In powerless despair she now prepares, to say her goodbyes.
Feeling not good enough,
Try as she may.
Holding in her tears,
With a smile on her face.
Trying not to let him hinder her,
He’s only one upon the earth.
She knows in her mind,
He doesn’t measure her worth.
But it’s in her heart,
Where the pain grows stronger.
A tree watered by his acid words. Disapproving glances make her smaller.
Trying to remember the truth she has adopted,
Within the heart God gave her.
Forgetting momentarily, her gained wisdom,
She lets him destroy her happily ever after.
She’s more than enough,
A beautiful child of the living God.
By God’s everlasting, healing love.
How many a childhood wish was made,
Upon your airy seeds?
Dome of softness obeying the breath,
Blown to set it free.
How many a moment of stillness,
Have you been party to?
When the world slows rotations,
And dreams gather for their debut.
How many a dawn have you witnessed,
At God’s suspension of the night?
How many raindrops have you felt?
How many tears have seen cried?
Dandelion, unassuming and lovely,
A symbol of faith’s releasing.
A microphone speaking into hope,
Encourager of believing…
I sometimes feel free, in an otherworldly pull,
A drag into slow motion.
Lifted from that which surrounds,
Connected to all that is.
Eyes seeking to remain closed,
Dreaming awake in full consciousness.
A pull I sometimes seek to maintain,
To merge, lean into with surrender.
Thoughts on pause, mind now filled with still light.
Peace…dare I imply?
Serene in a suspended moment?
So sweet, dry tears drift slowly by…
Lifting me, transcending.
Insides soft and electric, aware of my presence,
A way to be high without chemical interference.
The music stops.
If my demise seems premature,
Know I was at peace with this life.
Mourn my passing a short season.
Let the tears fall, then dry your eyes.
There were many years of struggle,
Mixed with joy and triumphant song.
All led me to God’s loving arms
Know I am there where I belong,
Know I loved you with my heart whole.
Thanks for your part in my journey.
You showed me the meaning of love,
And I hope you felt loved by me.
We are not promised our next breath.
I’m pained by thoughts of leaving you.
But there is a purpose and time,
To all, though the days feel too few.
My heart’s a part of yours always,
Immortalized by memories.
I am not gone, I’ve just moved on.
Remain hopeful we’ll again meet.
Note: this is not meant as a melancholy prelude to suicide… Just mortality acknowledgement. Love and peace to you all!