Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

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I feel as though God’s placed it on my heart to write this. The subject was the source of such intense pain as recent as a year ago.  I am unable to have children- one of the hardest things I’ve had to accept. When my faith began to strengthen, and the fog of my addictions started to lift in recovery… God showed me peace. Maybe some of you can relate, and even find some peace.

Why? The question I asked over and over.
I couldn’t understand.
Unable to put my longing to rest,
The dream, that as a little girl, was placed within.

Dreaming of when I’d hold those tiny hands.
Look upon that precious face.
A reflection of God’s love
Staring into my eyes, hope’s gaze.

My heart ached at the sight,
At the touch, at the thought,
At the scent as I held them,
At the sound of their cries, I felt loss.

Movies depicting a new additions’ joy,
Commercials, news of loved one expecting,
No matter how happy I was for them,
Inside, I was so very sad for me.

My friends, my sister… I couldn’t understand.
Perplexed, trying, thinking at times it was real,
Only to find it was false.
A tortuous taunting, I never thought I’d heal.

Then, the day came.
My eyes opened to truth.
I knew God’s plan was perfect,
My heart, was gently soothed.

I don’t have to understand.
I don’t have to know why.
I was such a mess for so long,
Probably best I was denied.

I remember the moment,
When I knew I was healed.
When the brokenness simply remained
In tearful echoes loosely concealed.

On my knees, I prayed to God,
Speaking the words “Thank You”.
Grateful that I was taken care of,
And that my baby, not to be, was too…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Image: http://imagecache6.allposters.com/LRG/27/2793/HM3OD00Z.jpg

 

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Comments on: "Confronting And Accepting No…" (2)

  1. An incredibly emotional subject to discuss Ms. Allee. Although I come from a male standpoint and cannot begin to fathom how tragically painful it must be like to discover such excruciating knowledge, you write about the topic so beautifully, passionately and breathtakingly, that one cannot help but be touched by your words.
    To write ‘I’m sorry’, or ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ seems to not carry the weight of emotions I might like to convey, so, I hope that my enjoying of your gorgeous piece will be enough to let you know that you once again captured this particular reader from start to finish with the heartfelt sentiment and intensely admiring and inspirational beauty of your poetic writing.

    • Thank you. I really appreciate your compassionate comment. I am grateful that this piece touched you- it was both painful and healing to write. Knowing I was heard is consolation.

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