I’m not well versed on the matter,
Of how to push past my emotions.
They’re like a life raft aimlessly adrift,
An expansive, fickle ocean.
I submit to them, I acquiesce,
Sometimes without considering truth.
Ignoring the things I’ve learned,
My undisciplined soul, a harmful muse.
They assert their control upon my life,
Making it hard, at times, to breathe.
I fight the urge to crawl into my shell,
To induce my cowards leave.
I’m learning to proceed regardless of,
The emotional whispers strumming my fears.
To swim to the surface, cinder block bound,
Where feelings become mere souvenirs…
I often know trouble when I see it.
I can recognize it afar off.
Yet I typically go running in its direction.
Why? I – know – not!
If there is a risk to be taken,
Considering minimal probability of death.
I sometimes jump right in,
Just close my eyes and hold my breath.
Some call it self-destructive.
Okay, perhaps they have a case.
Some call it self sabotage,
Two coin sides, same face.
These days I’m less inclined to chase after,
That which is certain to cause pain.
But there’s this secret place within,
Seeking freedom from safety’s chains.
Perhaps a nod to my past.
Perhaps a denial of my future.
Either way I need help keeping her in check.
I can’t succumb to destruction’s allure.
Note: I have noooooo idea where the words “freedom from safety’s chains” came from!!! I talk about a lot of chains in my writings (fear, addiction etc)- but I think I dig safety… So…. Hmmmm. End note.