Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘freedom’

Placid Paddling…

Lake Mead, NV

Lake Mead, NV

Through the glass,

My paddle passes.

Breaking gently into tiny pieces,

Rapidly repairing placidity.

One repetitive,

Awkwardly rhythmic row after another,

Propels me toward my destination of non-specificity.

The depth of the water below varies,

As time and distance pass.

And my fear is directly correlated with that depth,

Yet the fear is thrilling…

The heat of the sun,

The wayward frigid splashing from my paddle,

Balance my experience beautifully.

October kayak in Nevada, upon Lake Mead.

With mountains cradling crisp clear waters,

Sets my spirit free…

©E.D. Allee
October, 2015

Forward In Faith…

image

You’ve looked long enough,
It’s time to leap and let go.
Surrender in faith…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Image: http://darkroaddesigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Leap-of-Faith.jpg

 

From This Moment…

image

Today’s a new day.
Convinced the sun shines for her,
She begins again…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Pic: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L3Ii98iXt8E/UKgFLlN1XFI/AAAAAAAAIik/rvpGtDtLJT8/s1600/sad-girl-alone–feelings-broken-heart.jpg

Whispers of Freedom…

image

A whisper, released from captivity,
Feather adrift upon the tongue.
Holding silent echoes, captured by the heart,
Unheard, unless one knows to listen.

Where secrets abide, lying in wait,
Screaming to be spoken in confidence.
Concealment causes a slow decay of the soul,
Constantly under light’s eye of suspicion.

A whisper, into the noisy silence,
Can you hear what’s being spoken?
The freedom found through exposure,
Will return quiet to peace again…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Pic: http://thumbs.imagekind.com/426734_650/Gods-Whisper.jpg?v=1390564800

Pesky Dark Side!!!

I often know trouble when I see it.
I can recognize it afar off.
Yet I typically go running in its direction.
Why? I – know – not!

If there is a risk to be taken,
Considering minimal probability of death.
I sometimes jump right in,
Just close my eyes and hold my breath.

Some call it self-destructive.
Okay, perhaps they have a case.
Some call it self sabotage,
Two coin sides, same face.

These days I’m less inclined to chase after,
That which is certain to cause pain.
But there’s this secret place within,
Seeking freedom from safety’s chains.

Perhaps a nod to my past.
Perhaps a denial of my future.
Either way I need help keeping her in check.
I can’t succumb to destruction’s allure.

Note: I have noooooo idea where the words “freedom from safety’s chains” came from!!! I talk about a lot of chains in my writings (fear, addiction etc)- but I think I dig safety… So…. Hmmmm. End note.

©E.D. Allee
January, 2014

 

My Serenity Spot…

image

A barbed wire fence,
Made its required effort to dissuade.
Silently I chuckled at the attempt;
I wouldn’t be stopped by man’s barricade!

I crossed the pointed rust with respect,
To avoid a painful penalty.
And I stepped into a dream I’d revisit at will,
A place of genuine serenity…

I had to descend a small unstable hill,
To arrive at the river’s edge.
Bible, camera and journal in tow (okay, and a little Mary Jane),
Prepared for when creativity and inspiration begged.

No matter the time of year,
Golden leaves bathing the water’s flow or green all around.
I would journey to commune with my river destination,
Where much of my true self was found.

I remember the feel of the cool waters,
The massage of the gentle, soothing rapids.
I’d close my eyes, surrounded by the suns warmth,
And for a time, all worries ceased to exist.

I never once felt alone,
Although solitude accompanied my escapes.
I knew comfort, peace, and effortless joy.
Therein, I felt sheltered and safe.

Medina is the name given that river,
Residing in small Bandera, Texas.
Most will never pass her way,
She’s a hidden gem, rare and precious.

I shared her with others at times,
Gifting their souls with a glimpse of her beauty.
Yet I often kept her a secret,
A place where God and I could meet quietly.

I ran there whenever I needed to feel,
Cleansing waters wash away life’s stains.
And was comforted to learn I could not taint her,
With my troubles and pains.

I simply felt complete acceptance,
In a sustained embrace filled with healing.
I watched as the water flowed ever forward,
Not backwards, never tarrying.

Nothing could touch me there;
I took leave from my tormentor, fear.
There I could rest, no longer wild,
In God’s serene and entrancing river.

I’m far away now,
Only memories and pictures remain.
I wish I were still close to her
So the waters could kiss my toes again.

Although distance separates us in the physical,
My heart won’t let me forget.
In my mind, I can cross the boundary,
I’d befriended in that barbed wire fence.

I follow the path to the place in my mind,
Where I once savored liberation from chaos.
And I’m transported by the nostalgic calm,
The world tries to tell me is lost.

I dream in brilliance upon remembering,
My beautiful “serenity spot”.
And I now seek to honor her priceless gifts,
By keeping her alive in my mind and heart.

February 2012

©E.D. Allee

One Year Clean And Sober…

Image

 

Three hundred sixty five days have past
Leading to a miracle I couldn’t envision
I once wished to end my life
To be free from two decades of prison

Shackled in bondage to an unrelenting master
A jailor spiteful and cruel
One who fed me to sustain my life
Only to prolong his rule

The years grew darker with time
The window to my cell got smaller
I knew little peace with eyes open
And my dreams were filled with horror

The illusory sense of peace
I once so craved and desired
Melted away into pools of necessity
With painted emotions and scribbled smiles

On the last day I used…
January fourth two thousand thirteen
I knew my options were to quit or die
A choice terribly hard for me

Death or life without chemical alteration
Finally live free from addictions’ chains
A decision perhaps simple for some
But I was terrified I’d fail at trying to change

I did choose life, leaping forward in faith
Holding only to a desperate desire
I’d failed many times before
Although my needs were always dire 

I dwelled in a dark abyss of my design
An abyss filled with a raging sea
Kept afloat by drink or drug
The very same which tried to drown me

I quit… I was angry, afraid, in pain, and shaking
Sick and weak, unstable in mind and emotions
Grasping to something I couldn’t see
Hopeless, alone, worn and broken

In time things improved, I began to let go
Of the grip I held destructively tight 
I became willing to get the help I needed
And gradually saw hope in sight

I had an AA sponsor by then
Cynthia, The helper I came to know
Addiction treatment and meetings
Began revealing alternatives to sorrow

I opened up to God, my higher power
I sought diligently to know Him once more
I learned belief was insufficient
My faith had to be restored

My abyss began filling the moment I stopped digging
Eventually I grabbed outstretched hands
The raging sea became an ocean of soft swells
And at that time healing began

One year later, far removed from that darkness
I reflect upon the trials and triumphs
I’m grateful I declined death’s temptation
By accepting God’s help and guidance

If only I had known back then…
I’d have told my broken spirit to hold on
I’d share with her what I understand now
Let her know hope exists upon new horizons
I’d cheer her on each day of success
Hold her hand with each falling tear
Tell her that life will not hurt so bad forever
And that one day she’ll be able to feel
She’d feel without the torment of ever increasing pain
She’d sit still in her own skin
She’d look people in the eyes, not down in shame
She’d break free from the demons within

To myself today I say
You’re a long way from that arduous start
One day at a time you’ve progressed
But you mustn’t ever stop
Stay close to God and continue seeking
So enlightenment you’ll find
Walk forward, using the past as a tool
Demons in wait, grow stronger in time
Know you can never open the door
To the world which once enslaved you
Be vigilant not to fall into the nets 
Cast as traps meant to undo

Way to go Elizabeth
You’ve achieved the seemingly impossible
I will write to you again this time next year
And report on the remarkable!

©E.D. Allee
January 5, 2014

 

Tag Cloud