Ever hit one of these,
So hard your nose bleeds,
And u swear you won’t do it again?
You pick yourself up.
You dust yourself off.
And rev up the ole’ flame within.
You’ve grabbed no new tools,
You’re going faster than before,
And you’re head is straight up your ass.
Not a glamorous sight,
But appearance aside…
You’ve learned to fail with class!
The same brick wall.
The same barricade.
Will sanity ever win?
Perhaps you’ll bust it down,
Or maybe go around,
Or simply repeat… ad infinitum.
©2017 Elizabeth Dianne Allee
Image Credit: https://www.deviantart.com/art/brick-texture-m
Photo Title: Live Mirror
Activated by the tears of momentary regret and hopelessness.
Spaces between are the clarity of needed renewal,
and the brilliant light of optimistic potential.
My crashing life held in tact by both the real and illusory branches of the shedding trees.
There is motion.
I am part of this moving ecosystem.
The rhythmic echoes sustain me.
The live mirror is life.
I am alive.
And I will move forward.
The Obvious and The Hidden is one of my favorite blogs to follow. The titles that are applied to his amazing photography are perfection! I was searching through the history, since it’s been a good while that I’ve been on wordpress, and I went to May 10th- my sobriety date (2014). Note: this photo may be found in 2015. I was moved to remember that day and combine it with the success of today when writing this piece- a little over 17 months clean/sober and feeling great! I kind of dropped off wordpress at that time. Which is crazy!!! My, how time flies!! I was soooo active before. Miss all you guys. Trying to jump back in. Peace to you all.
I know not where You’re leading me,
I only know it is from here.
This place in which I reside,
Where all seems so unclear.
Your plan, Your will,
I seek with all my heart.
I place my faith in You Lord,
Understanding, I pray, impart.
You’ve never let me down.
You’re always on time.
Sustain me in this trial,
Be with me as I climb.
All I have is this moment,
Help me obey Your leadings.
I trust Your plan is perfect,
Despite my lack if seeing.
Mirror mirror, in the sky,
Show me, who I am through Your eyes.
Reflect to me what You see.
Heart… soul… strength…
Search me with Your penetrating gaze,
Into my inward hidden place.
All that You find pleasing to You,
Amplify in Your love and truth.
And that which You wish to refine,
Reveal and transform to Your design.
Grant me willingness,
Surrender and obedience…
I made it to thirty-nine,
The gift I was most excited to open.
Another year on my journey,
Joy and pain interwoven.
Three-hundred sixty five more sunsets,
I’ve recorded in my heart.
And I know each moment has been a gift,
Even the difficult parts.
So, thank you God for keeping me.
Thank You for Your loving grace.
Thanks for the strength to endure,
Through all the challenges I faced!
Snap out of it; it’s over
There nothing you can do
The self pity is strangling
Move on and start anew
You’ve fallen and it hurt
You’re a little broken and bruised
But you’re on track to succeed
Get focused in that groove
I write for catharsis
I write so others feel less marooned
I write to encourage empathy
For people not like you
I’ve been on pause to mourn
I’m shedding the feelings of doom
Time’s stood still long enough
I must reclaim hope and gratitude…
This is part of my journey. My mistakes and trials help me grow. Acceptance has been hard this time, but I’m still here. I’m still breathing. My heartbeat and my pain are evidence of life, and I owe it to God, myself, and those I love… To strive.
New sobriety date: May 10, 2014
I can’t describe the devastation
The ache within my soul
I really thought this was my last go round
That I’d stay clean and sober, I’d grown
My failing incites hopeless despair
Suggests a lack of progress
I’m so disappointed I must start again
Seems such a futile conquest
My immature reaction grieves me
I want to “make the most” of this relapse
Use and drink as much as I can
Enthusiastically I gravitate to pure collapse
I hear the destructiveness
I hear the surrender and defeat
Yet, I’m grateful God has placed within
Many reasons to hope and believe…
New sobriety date May, 10, 2014
These recent “relapse poems” were written while I was in active drinking/using. I’m feeling much better today. I did not lose all I learned in the one year, three months, and five days I was clean/sober. I have to start the counter again… But I’ve learned so much. Thanks for reading guys. Much love.