Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘depression’

See through…

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Can you see through…

The muddy waters surrounding?
Will you reveal the way out?
Feet so far beneath the surface,
Merging with the sludge of doubt.

Existence relative to self awareness.
Perceptual evidence waning.
Afraid to look beneath the surface.
Adapting to the comfort of sinking.

To fight, trust.
To hope, cling to faith.
To emerge, strive.
Light and safety are in wait…

©E.D. Allee
July, 2014

Inspired by Image: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-lake-of-sadness-171052272

Protective Vessel…

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A glass vessel stalks his sanity,
Traps him in a protective shell.
Set adrift upon the ocean of his mind,
No navigation, no sail.

Unsinkable, dry and safe,
Able to rest with ease.
A Bystander in his own waking dream,
This prison is his reprieve.

To loneliness’ torment he’s numb.
He’s lived most of his life alone.
All the world offered him was pain,
This is now his home.

The doctors say the medication will help.
They will pull him back from his isolation.
From the fantasy world in which he dwells,
They don’t understand this IS his liberation.

Time will tell if the glass will break.
If the raging see will recede.
If his vessel of protection is broken,
Will he simply sink?

©E.D. Allee
April, 2014

Image: http://universalangelicview.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/gaiaprotectsme.jpg

 

Revisited…

The pain of yesterday,
Is now the pain of today.
Old hurts resurface,
Showing no mercy or restraint.

New tears are cried,
Off the drips of tears past.
Sorrows thought buried,
Exit their open tombs intact.

But now…

The peace of today,
Strives to shred yesterday’s pains.
God’s love buffers old hurts.
Stale are the tears which remain.

However…

The sorrow is slower to leave.
Spilling and merging with my porous soul.
Painting dull colors upon my countenance,
Making movements surreal and slow.

It cruelly replays dark memories,
Blanketing thick shadows on my heart.
Actively consuming hope,
Tearing apart healing scars,

Mistakes made on destruction’s heels,
Existence defined only as “survive”.
I’m reminded again,
How it feels to be barely alive…

 

Feeling’s Fading Reign….

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I’m not well versed on the matter,
Of how to push past my emotions.
They’re like a life raft aimlessly adrift,
An expansive, fickle ocean.

I submit to them, I acquiesce,
Sometimes without considering truth.
Ignoring the things I’ve learned,
My undisciplined soul, a harmful muse.

They assert their control upon my life,
Making it hard, at times, to breathe.
I fight the urge to crawl into my shell,
To induce my cowards leave.

I’m learning to proceed regardless of,
The emotional whispers strumming my fears.
To swim to the surface, cinder block bound,
Where feelings become mere souvenirs…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Image: http://en.artoffer.com/_images_user/5576/193786/large/Raphaela-C.-Naeger-Abstract-art-Miscellaneous-Emotions-Modern-Age-Abstract-Art.jpg

If Only…

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Just outside her window,
A sheet of glass away.
She sees past the familiar,
Through unrelenting drops of rain.
Life in graceful color,
Wings she wishes she knew.
To fly her from the four wall perimeter,
Which has dominated her view.

©E.D. Allee
February, 2014

Pic:http://bradnd24.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/loneliness.jpg

 

Fallen Into Fate…

Image

She got lost during her planned transformation,
Merged her lifeless wings with the other fallen.
Connecting out of necessity,
To a collectiveness of the forgotten.

Dissolved into a new work of art,
An accent looked upon with condolement.
Still beautiful, but glued down,
By complacencies strong cement.

Patterns eventually blur; colors fade over time.
What will you experience in the wait?
What if your expected transformation was an illusion?
Was this, maybe, always your fate?

©E.D. Allee
February, 2014

Picture: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Colours-Dust-and-Memories-431297016

 

 

 

Depression: Different Now…

smoke_fading_effect_2_by_angelov881-d5axoqb

I revisit her sometimes

She is different now
The power she had over me
Is not as strong now
It’s visitation, we know we will part ways
She is different now
Even her darkness seems faded
Perhaps my eyes are different now
Her solid form has transformed into smoke
She is different now
She seems lonelier than I ever felt
I guess she misses me now
She seems harmless and vulnerable, yet she’s beguiling
She is different now
We almost left this world hand in hand
I won’t hold her hand now
Her life force, that which takes lives, has dimmed
She is different now
We danced together in slow circles of shadows
She dances alone now
I feel a sadness for her
She is different now
The darkness
The desire to die
The lack of hope
No strength to try
The destructive coping
Peace with having no peace
Belief in the oppressive lies
She once told me
She is different now…
I am different now…

 

 

 ©E.D. Allee

 October 2013

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