Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘relapse’

“A Time to Mourn, A Time to Dance”… (Tales of new beginnings)

Snap out of it; it’s over
There nothing you can do
The self pity is strangling
Move on and start anew

You’ve fallen and it hurt
You’re a little broken and bruised
But you’re on track to succeed
Get focused in that groove

I write for catharsis
I write so others feel less marooned
I write to encourage empathy
For people not like you

I’ve been on pause to mourn
I’m shedding the feelings of doom
Time’s stood still long enough
I must reclaim hope and gratitude…
****
This is part of my journey. My mistakes and trials help me grow. Acceptance has been hard this time, but I’m still here. I’m still breathing. My heartbeat and my pain are evidence of life, and I owe it to God, myself, and those I love… To strive.

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

New sobriety date: May 10,  2014

Advertisements

Really??? More Tales of Relapse…

So, this is how you are choosing to die?
This is how you want to go out?
Throw caution to the wind, screw it all,
Get loaded till your six feet underground?

And for what? Manufactured alteration
Temporary tastes of euphoric ease
An early, sloppy death
Which stains the lives you leave?

What of the allure of this demise
I’m believe I’m meant for more
Why would I risk my life
When I know it’s worth fighting for?

The insanity surrounding me
The insanity raging within
Merging together endlessly
Will this torment ever end?

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

New sobriety date: May, 10, 2014

Again… Tales of Relapse

It touched me again
I felt it deep inside
Pleasure it delivered
Me senses were electrified

And I had to know it again
And again, and again…….

One year, three months, five days
And I must begin again
I don’t feel confident
This fight I’ll ever win

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

 

back on the wagon- new date: May 10, 2014

Futile Denial…

Some of you guys are familiar with my battle with drugs and alcohol. Well, I’m ready to “come out” about my recent relapse.  I’ve been reserving my recent poetry because I needed time to talk to my family about it.  One year, three months, and five days down- now I start the counting over.  Here is the first poem expressing some of the feelings I had during the month I was “out”. Thanks for reading. Btw- I’ve quit again. Working in day four.

~~~~~~~~

I didn’t want to believe it
I tried to deny it was true
Justified and rationalized
Until I finally knew

I knew I had messed up
I knew I had “slipped”
There was no turning back
Reality couldn’t be dismissed

One year, three months and five days
And my addictions returned
It happened, seemingly, in an instant
Despite all I had learned

Total devastation, defeated
My spirits crushed into hopelessness
The breath yanked violently
From my tight, hurting chest

A shade of lifeless alabaster
Crimson flood within my veins
Blinded by denial, I couldn’t see
I’d not been clean for days

©E.D. Allee
April, 2014

 

Addiction’s Beastly Riddle… (Writer’s Digest Poem A Day Challenge- Day 27)

For today’s prompt, write a monster poem. There are the usual suspects: zombies, vampires, werewolves, and mummies. But monsters can take any form and terrorize a variety of victims.

The monster’s in wait

He is always hungry, yet

Grows strong without food…

©E.D. Allee April, 2014

Subconscious Warning?

This is based upon a dream I had last night.

Standing stable on solid slab,
Aloft undefined ground below.
Suddenly flat surface begins to slant,
Small seeds of fear were sewn.

Growing steeper and steeper,
I was shifted out of balance.
The tilt more and more threatening,
My security now, but a fragment.

Grasping to the upper edge,
My only link to safety.
Only one arm available,
My other injured beside me.

I was horrified and panicked,
Cluttered, indistinct destruction swirling.
Hand slipping, to let go meant to die,
Into an unknown I couldn’t see, an abyss blurring.

And then, all became still, upright, and stable again…

I discovered it hadn’t moved at all,
The person with me was confused, at best.
It was some sort of hallucination, I was told,
Suggested to have been triggered by stress.

 

 

 

Far From Sanity…

One of my talented blogger friends (http://mcfcwolf.wordpress.com) read and liked this poem earlier- and I noticed he was the first to read it. I posted it during my blog’s infancy- figure I will repost to give it a chance to be heard. Some of you may know I’m now a little over a year clean/sober. This poem was written when I was trying to get clean before I relapsed one last time to finally quit on January 5, 2013… A little darker than some of my stuff, but some may be able to relate. Thanks for reading!

journeyinrhyme

eye resized

My mind is spinning spider webs in a dark and, crowded room
While it is imprisoned and overtaken by a restless state of doom
My warrior protectors have disappeared and I’ve been left alone
As the world slithers around me, and I don’t feel safe in my home

The feelings within bring to the surface only negativity
Which, if my mind wasn’t racing so, I could extinguish with sleep
Yet I remain awake while my world and body physically shake
And I’m forced, when confronted by “mysterious sounds and visuals”, to stay awake

I once was able to escape from this torture with a mixed cocktail created by me
But I find myself now adrift, upon a restless, wild and deep ocean- called early sobriety
Thoughts, thoughts bumping into each other as they race to a nonexistent finish
Around in circles my head goes, I just wish this incessant static…

View original post 154 more words

Tag Cloud