Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘questions’

Am I?

Am I the flesh encasing these bones?

Am I the heart that beats within?

Am I the spirit in which God dwells?

Am I this mind of clarity and confusion?………..

 

Yes…

©E.D. Allee

July, 2014

Reflective Uncertainty…

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Staring into a cloudy mirror,
The steam of life’s warm tears in her eyes.
Unable to see herself anymore,
And she can’t remember why…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Confronting And Accepting No…

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I feel as though God’s placed it on my heart to write this. The subject was the source of such intense pain as recent as a year ago.  I am unable to have children- one of the hardest things I’ve had to accept. When my faith began to strengthen, and the fog of my addictions started to lift in recovery… God showed me peace. Maybe some of you can relate, and even find some peace.

Why? The question I asked over and over.
I couldn’t understand.
Unable to put my longing to rest,
The dream, that as a little girl, was placed within.

Dreaming of when I’d hold those tiny hands.
Look upon that precious face.
A reflection of God’s love
Staring into my eyes, hope’s gaze.

My heart ached at the sight,
At the touch, at the thought,
At the scent as I held them,
At the sound of their cries, I felt loss.

Movies depicting a new additions’ joy,
Commercials, news of loved one expecting,
No matter how happy I was for them,
Inside, I was so very sad for me.

My friends, my sister… I couldn’t understand.
Perplexed, trying, thinking at times it was real,
Only to find it was false.
A tortuous taunting, I never thought I’d heal.

Then, the day came.
My eyes opened to truth.
I knew God’s plan was perfect,
My heart, was gently soothed.

I don’t have to understand.
I don’t have to know why.
I was such a mess for so long,
Probably best I was denied.

I remember the moment,
When I knew I was healed.
When the brokenness simply remained
In tearful echoes loosely concealed.

On my knees, I prayed to God,
Speaking the words “Thank You”.
Grateful that I was taken care of,
And that my baby, not to be, was too…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Image: http://imagecache6.allposters.com/LRG/27/2793/HM3OD00Z.jpg

 

Do You Wonder Too?

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Behind those soft and dreaming eyes,
What is it that you see?
What secrets dwell just beyond,
Your sealed lids of mystery?

As the floral night’s fragrance,
Christens each unlabored breath.
Surrounded by slumbers’ gentle sway,
What visions do you collect?

In your peaceful reprieve from the day,
When the world’s placed upon you its share.
And serenity reclaims your countenance,
Who, in rest, is with you there?

What warrants your unquestioned allegiance,
To the unseen nocturnal helmsman?
As you sail upon steady waves of entrancement,
Returning to center, time and again?

Upon awakening,
From the eves peaceful slumber,
Do you find it’s these same things,
That you too ponder?

©E.D. Allee
February, 2014

Picture: http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/494435-bigthumbnail.jpg

 

Ponder…

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Attempting to consider today, the events of tomorrow.

Allowing the many joys in life to be overshadowed by sorrow.

Memories so powerful they haunt and control.

Life’s contradictions challenging the truth we know.

 

Condemnation inflicted by times past.

Getting what we want, not wanting what we have.

The road we are on and the road we need to find.

The transition to, existence, and mystery of the afterlife.

 

The whispers in life that the wind swiftly carries.

The tide that’s controlled by the moon as it varies.

The sands that are traveled day in and day out.

Feelings of despair and feelings of doubt.

 

Webs, unwillingly embraced by silken wings.

The music of the raindrops as they rhythmically sing.

The sound of a train as it comes to a halt.

The instinctive way a heart beats when it knows it is at fault.

 

Dangers present, yet undiscovered by the mind.

The small ticking sound we’ve given to majestic time.

Our stream of thoughts, interrupted.

Our vision of morals, corrupted.

 

Flowers that bloom only in the dark of night.

A sunset, still beautiful after a gruesome fight.

The tears that fall with joy in the heart.

A human spirit broken, yet not fallen apart.

 

The masterpiece in art by the stroke of a brush.

The way we all have time, yet still we all will rush…

©E.D. Allee

February 1993

Written back in the day when I was 17, with some revision.

 

picture: http://www.wikipaintings.org/en/pierre-auguste-renoir/the-thinker-1877

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