Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘sorrow’

LIVE MIRROR… (Based on photo title from blog theobviousandhidden.com)

Photo Title: Live Mirror

Photo Title: Live Mirror

Live mirror…
Activated by the tears of momentary regret and hopelessness.
Spaces between are the clarity of needed renewal,
and the brilliant light of optimistic potential.
My crashing life held in tact by both the real and illusory branches of the shedding trees.
There is motion.
I am part of this moving ecosystem.
The rhythmic echoes sustain me.
The live mirror is life.
I am alive.
And I will move forward.

©E.D. Allee
October, 2015

The Obvious and The Hidden is one of my favorite blogs to follow. The titles that are applied to his amazing photography are perfection! I was searching through the history, since it’s been a good while that I’ve been on wordpress, and I went to May 10th- my sobriety date (2014). Note: this photo may be found in 2015. I was moved to remember that day and combine it with the success of today when writing this piece- a little over 17 months clean/sober and feeling great! I kind of dropped off wordpress at that time. Which is crazy!!! My, how time flies!! I was soooo active before. Miss all you guys. Trying to jump back in. Peace to you all.

Advertisements

Tomorrow…

Day descends once more.

Again, I am left with ache,

Waiting to join her…

©E.D. Allee
September, 2014

Terror’s Stain…

Where were you that day?
When towers strong, fell
To broken rubble?
When dormant awareness of terror,
Anchored itself in full force,
To unsuspecting minds?
To unprepared hearts?

Where were you that day?
As the roar of evil,
Penetrated the world’s consciousness
Through the many cries
And frightened stares
Of those who could not,
Or those who would not,
Believe such an abhorrent truth to be real?

Where are you now?
Years later?
Protected by security codes,
Yellow, orange, red?
Do you hug your loved ones tighter?
Are your eyes open wider?
Did the violent few birth enhanced fear,
Which diminishes through denial
Amidst a busy year?

I remember where I was.
I know where I am.
I hug my loved ones tighter
With eyes open wider
Among many cries
And frightened stares
Of those who cannot,
Or those who will not,
Believe such an abhorrent truth to be real…

©E.D. Allee
September, 2014

See through…

image

Can you see through…

The muddy waters surrounding?
Will you reveal the way out?
Feet so far beneath the surface,
Merging with the sludge of doubt.

Existence relative to self awareness.
Perceptual evidence waning.
Afraid to look beneath the surface.
Adapting to the comfort of sinking.

To fight, trust.
To hope, cling to faith.
To emerge, strive.
Light and safety are in wait…

©E.D. Allee
July, 2014

Inspired by Image: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-lake-of-sadness-171052272

Futile Denial…

Some of you guys are familiar with my battle with drugs and alcohol. Well, I’m ready to “come out” about my recent relapse.  I’ve been reserving my recent poetry because I needed time to talk to my family about it.  One year, three months, and five days down- now I start the counting over.  Here is the first poem expressing some of the feelings I had during the month I was “out”. Thanks for reading. Btw- I’ve quit again. Working in day four.

~~~~~~~~

I didn’t want to believe it
I tried to deny it was true
Justified and rationalized
Until I finally knew

I knew I had messed up
I knew I had “slipped”
There was no turning back
Reality couldn’t be dismissed

One year, three months and five days
And my addictions returned
It happened, seemingly, in an instant
Despite all I had learned

Total devastation, defeated
My spirits crushed into hopelessness
The breath yanked violently
From my tight, hurting chest

A shade of lifeless alabaster
Crimson flood within my veins
Blinded by denial, I couldn’t see
I’d not been clean for days

©E.D. Allee
April, 2014

 

Revisited…

The pain of yesterday,
Is now the pain of today.
Old hurts resurface,
Showing no mercy or restraint.

New tears are cried,
Off the drips of tears past.
Sorrows thought buried,
Exit their open tombs intact.

But now…

The peace of today,
Strives to shred yesterday’s pains.
God’s love buffers old hurts.
Stale are the tears which remain.

However…

The sorrow is slower to leave.
Spilling and merging with my porous soul.
Painting dull colors upon my countenance,
Making movements surreal and slow.

It cruelly replays dark memories,
Blanketing thick shadows on my heart.
Actively consuming hope,
Tearing apart healing scars,

Mistakes made on destruction’s heels,
Existence defined only as “survive”.
I’m reminded again,
How it feels to be barely alive…

 

Confronting And Accepting No…

image

I feel as though God’s placed it on my heart to write this. The subject was the source of such intense pain as recent as a year ago.  I am unable to have children- one of the hardest things I’ve had to accept. When my faith began to strengthen, and the fog of my addictions started to lift in recovery… God showed me peace. Maybe some of you can relate, and even find some peace.

Why? The question I asked over and over.
I couldn’t understand.
Unable to put my longing to rest,
The dream, that as a little girl, was placed within.

Dreaming of when I’d hold those tiny hands.
Look upon that precious face.
A reflection of God’s love
Staring into my eyes, hope’s gaze.

My heart ached at the sight,
At the touch, at the thought,
At the scent as I held them,
At the sound of their cries, I felt loss.

Movies depicting a new additions’ joy,
Commercials, news of loved one expecting,
No matter how happy I was for them,
Inside, I was so very sad for me.

My friends, my sister… I couldn’t understand.
Perplexed, trying, thinking at times it was real,
Only to find it was false.
A tortuous taunting, I never thought I’d heal.

Then, the day came.
My eyes opened to truth.
I knew God’s plan was perfect,
My heart, was gently soothed.

I don’t have to understand.
I don’t have to know why.
I was such a mess for so long,
Probably best I was denied.

I remember the moment,
When I knew I was healed.
When the brokenness simply remained
In tearful echoes loosely concealed.

On my knees, I prayed to God,
Speaking the words “Thank You”.
Grateful that I was taken care of,
And that my baby, not to be, was too…

©E.D. Allee
March, 2014

Image: http://imagecache6.allposters.com/LRG/27/2793/HM3OD00Z.jpg

 

Tag Cloud