My cloud isn’t pink
How long, I wonder
Will I feel this way
No purple sunsets
In my mind
Only thumbnail moons
In darkened nights
I question the future
Days I’ve left to live
How many times I will
Fall into the same abyss
I ride a magic carpet
In my dreams
I watch my journey
From above the trees
Trying to escape
Than the previous times
I’ve lost my way
My cloud’s no longer pink
It’s, YET AGAIN, a hopeless gray…
The pain of yesterday,
Is now the pain of today.
Old hurts resurface,
Showing no mercy or restraint.
New tears are cried,
Off the drips of tears past.
Sorrows thought buried,
Exit their open tombs intact.
The peace of today,
Strives to shred yesterday’s pains.
God’s love buffers old hurts.
Stale are the tears which remain.
The sorrow is slower to leave.
Spilling and merging with my porous soul.
Painting dull colors upon my countenance,
Making movements surreal and slow.
It cruelly replays dark memories,
Blanketing thick shadows on my heart.
Actively consuming hope,
Tearing apart healing scars,
Mistakes made on destruction’s heels,
Existence defined only as “survive”.
I’m reminded again,
How it feels to be barely alive…
I’m not well versed on the matter,
Of how to push past my emotions.
They’re like a life raft aimlessly adrift,
An expansive, fickle ocean.
I submit to them, I acquiesce,
Sometimes without considering truth.
Ignoring the things I’ve learned,
My undisciplined soul, a harmful muse.
They assert their control upon my life,
Making it hard, at times, to breathe.
I fight the urge to crawl into my shell,
To induce my cowards leave.
I’m learning to proceed regardless of,
The emotional whispers strumming my fears.
To swim to the surface, cinder block bound,
Where feelings become mere souvenirs…