I am not sure why,
But I have to say it’s scary.
The thoughts within my mind,
Fear is creeping in on me.
Considerations of chemical alteration,
What the heck is this?
It’s been over a year since I drank or used,
But these feelings are so intense!
I feel the memories of my altered states,
Like bliss flowing through my body.
My eyes close in recollective reflection,
What is happening to me?!
I’m taking this quite well,
Under the serious circumstances.
I meet with my sponsor today,
And have two meetings planned.
This doesn’t have to ruin me.
God’s got me, and won’t let go.
I’m just perplexed at this reality.
Yet, I suspect it will help me grow.
©E.D. Allee
January, 2014
journeyinrhyme 
Comments on: "WHAT Is This?!!" (10)
Is this a confessional?
Just a confession of my thoughts and feelings. Still clean. Just weird to have these intense feelings again- haven’t had in a very long time. It will pass I’m sure.
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Temptation all around us keeping us on our toes. Resolution request of the soul.
memories of once a time on the poisoned wings we flew asking the heart to be strong.
But the knowledge of never wanting to go back to the ruined lives of love
Keep you here and now looking forward with strength and persuasion of the new you.
You can do this. You are doing this. one day at a time. Thumbs up.
keep smiling.
Thanks sweets! This will pass. Have a great day!
Know that you have that power, strength, and fortitude to overcome, we will lift you up always. Your poem made me think of sharing this poem with you, it came to my mind! Hugs and blessings to you always my sister!
His Promised Love
This very precious moment
Will be repeated all over again
As I lift up my tiny treasure
To my God who knows no sin
As I lift up my treasured gift to him
I know he alone sees my heart’s smile
As he accepts this tiny gift from me
Acknowledging its value all the while
And this day he blesses me in return
For my deep faith that lives within
For he has watched my growth daily
After He washed away all my sins
I find now that I am much better
Than I ever was in this life before
Because my lord found me this morning
Giving me His promised love forevermore
Wendell
To my spirit that was you at that first moment,
and is still you each and everyday, you have
a wonderful assuring faith within you!
Thank you dear Wendell. I know that God has and is changing me. He’s brought me a long way. And I never want to go back to how I was before. It’s a scary and tricky thing… My addictions which actively plagued me for 21 years of my life, became who I was in a sense. It’s insane that there would even be a moment where I would consider returning to that nightmare… But I do. Thanks for the beautiful poem and your always kind words. And thanks for lifting me up!
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Help you grow it will. Be strong and work your program. These feelings come and go. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. I am sure you have heard this before. Surround yourself with sobriety, and let it protect you. Be well E.
John
Thanks John. Made it to two meetings and met with my sponsor… Trying to get right again without trying to get “right”! Hangin in.
Keep hangin in dear friend.
If I can hold as tightly to sobriety as I did to my old ways (claws out!) I should be tight!
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