Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Posts tagged ‘Hospital’

Please Receive…

I happened to run into a person I knew on an acquaintance level in AA- at a hospital AA meeting. This is not a meeting I go too.  She is inpatient for detox and drug/alcohol rehab. There is more to the back story, but in general our reconnecting seemed quite supernaturally guided. Hope you are all well.

Witness to a familiar despair.
Eyes filled with tears, yet void of hope.
Questions swirling in unorganized fury.
Where to from here? You do not know.

Behind heavy, locked doors,
Flashlights frequent your closed eyelids.
Rows of rooms filled with strangers,
An energy of demoralization exists.

Well perfected masks, cracking all around.
Truths withheld due to fear.
Pseudo camaraderie, thirsty to connect.
Afraid to stay, and afraid to go back “out there”

Battered by cruel and abusive emotions,
Lies hauntingly scream of future failure.
Heart and mind blocked from receiving,
Help from those who’ve been there.

You…

You can’t recall arriving.
Twenty eight days, one pair of clothes.
No friends or family to call,
Feeling isolated, pathologically alone.

I’m glad I saw you; I’m sure that was God.
We hadn’t spoken since last year.
Simply AA acquaintances, yet I felt an intuitive pull,
A new meeting, I’m sure God brought me there.

I pray for God to show me how to help.
I pray you receive it…

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

 

Inspired By Acoustic…

MP900385381

The music sounds so sweet; it touches my very soul

Although I’m incomplete, for a moment I feel whole

Tears emerge unconsciously, as a calm sadness fills my heart

A peaceful sorrow which helps to reveal one of many parts

 

Each note is separate and clear, united in broken connectivity

It’s as if each strum is given breath specifically for me

The void I strive so hard to fill, is no longer in want for a time

The effect will be short-lived, but in this moment I’m lost in the sustenance I find

 

I’ve identified the hurting, and am starting to understand the depth of once hidden pain

I consider its origins, seeking freedom from its typically unquestioned reign

Why am I so afraid to feel; why so scared to think?

Even though I believe I can float, I continually choose to sink

 

I understand it’s time to address the pain; continuing to run equates to death

Spiritual, physical or both – not a toss-up, either way no “me” will be left

I carry a bag, dark and heavy, adding to the contents daily

I am losing the strength to go on; hope dissipates at a rapid rate and I am growing weary

 

Harmonic chords have faded, and I’m left sitting still and alone on my island

Surrounded by the silence of a world screaming for me to let it in

Temporary peace serves to renew strength depleted with each breath

Acoustic inspiration has imparted healing, if only for the moment

I wrote this during, what would be my “first” inpatient hospitalization to detox from drugs/alcohol.  I was twenty-six at the time (38 now) and, while I was quite the little poly-substance abuser, I was coming off cocaine and alcohol primarily.  Was a very scary time- my long-time “companions” were being ripped from me. Note: was clean from the coke for ten years with one three day relapse in 2011. Since then- so far so good!

There was a man who came to the unit and played beautiful music on his acoustic guitar- it touched my soul so deeply. In the sterile and unfamiliar environment filled with the violence of detox, I found myself desiring to swim in the notes, surrounded by their warm embrace forever… The experience has stuck with me over the years.  I was learning, however painfully bleak my poem was, about non-chemical origins of peace and beauty. God’s given me many more selections since then! 

Tag Cloud