Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Archive for the ‘Addiction/Recovery,’ Category

“A Time to Mourn, A Time to Dance”… (Tales of new beginnings)

Snap out of it; it’s over
There nothing you can do
The self pity is strangling
Move on and start anew

You’ve fallen and it hurt
You’re a little broken and bruised
But you’re on track to succeed
Get focused in that groove

I write for catharsis
I write so others feel less marooned
I write to encourage empathy
For people not like you

I’ve been on pause to mourn
I’m shedding the feelings of doom
Time’s stood still long enough
I must reclaim hope and gratitude…
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This is part of my journey. My mistakes and trials help me grow. Acceptance has been hard this time, but I’m still here. I’m still breathing. My heartbeat and my pain are evidence of life, and I owe it to God, myself, and those I love… To strive.

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

New sobriety date: May 10,  2014

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Hopeless Despair… (Tales of relapse)

I can’t describe the devastation
The ache within my soul
I really thought this was my last go round
That I’d stay clean and sober, I’d grown

My failing incites hopeless despair
Suggests a lack of progress
I’m so disappointed I must start again
Seems such a futile conquest

My immature reaction grieves me
I want to “make the most” of this relapse
Use and drink as much as I can
Enthusiastically I gravitate to pure collapse

I hear the destructiveness
I hear the surrender and defeat
Yet, I’m grateful God has placed within
Many reasons to hope and believe…

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

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New sobriety date May, 10, 2014

These recent “relapse poems” were written while I was in active drinking/using. I’m feeling much better today. I did not lose all I learned in the one year, three months, and five days I was clean/sober. I have to start the counter again… But I’ve learned so much. Thanks for reading guys. Much love.

Elizabeth (E)

Really??? More Tales of Relapse…

So, this is how you are choosing to die?
This is how you want to go out?
Throw caution to the wind, screw it all,
Get loaded till your six feet underground?

And for what? Manufactured alteration
Temporary tastes of euphoric ease
An early, sloppy death
Which stains the lives you leave?

What of the allure of this demise
I’m believe I’m meant for more
Why would I risk my life
When I know it’s worth fighting for?

The insanity surrounding me
The insanity raging within
Merging together endlessly
Will this torment ever end?

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

New sobriety date: May, 10, 2014

Again… Tales of Relapse

It touched me again
I felt it deep inside
Pleasure it delivered
Me senses were electrified

And I had to know it again
And again, and again…….

One year, three months, five days
And I must begin again
I don’t feel confident
This fight I’ll ever win

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

 

back on the wagon- new date: May 10, 2014

Maze Perspectives… (Haikus)

image

Ever changing maze
No beginning and no end
Inescapable
~—
Maneuverable
Guides along the simple path
Leading to freedom

©E.D. Allee
May, 2014

Image: http://satisfiedfool.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/maze.jpeg

 

Futile Denial…

Some of you guys are familiar with my battle with drugs and alcohol. Well, I’m ready to “come out” about my recent relapse.  I’ve been reserving my recent poetry because I needed time to talk to my family about it.  One year, three months, and five days down- now I start the counting over.  Here is the first poem expressing some of the feelings I had during the month I was “out”. Thanks for reading. Btw- I’ve quit again. Working in day four.

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I didn’t want to believe it
I tried to deny it was true
Justified and rationalized
Until I finally knew

I knew I had messed up
I knew I had “slipped”
There was no turning back
Reality couldn’t be dismissed

One year, three months and five days
And my addictions returned
It happened, seemingly, in an instant
Despite all I had learned

Total devastation, defeated
My spirits crushed into hopelessness
The breath yanked violently
From my tight, hurting chest

A shade of lifeless alabaster
Crimson flood within my veins
Blinded by denial, I couldn’t see
I’d not been clean for days

©E.D. Allee
April, 2014

 

Fallen Again…

image

A secret simmers within
Blood cold and fearful
Not ready to release it
Drowning a heart so tearful

Secrets often shatter
The ones we love the most
Destroy trust and confidence
Heavy strains are imposed

She’ll be met with unconditional love
There will be certain acceptance
Loving embraces and encouraging words
Caring and generous forgiveness

But how does one set out to break a heart
Cause disappointment and pain
All the good intentions in the world
Couldn’t keep her from falling again

Image:
http://www.deviantart.com/art/Sweet-Misery-157201775

 

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