Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Un-cried tears in silence.
Prayers on bended knees.
Wakeful moments in the dark,
Preceding interrupted sleep.

Arms wrapped around me,
Reluctant to let me go.
Watery eyes at my departure,
Would they see me again? They didn’t know.

Addiction is a selfish affliction.
Eyes closed to other’s closed eyes.
To the countless increased heart beats,
At the answering of phones late at night.

I wish I could have been able to stop,
At the breaking of their hearts.
Maybe even if I just hid it better,
Kept it together, rather than falling apart.

They loved me unconditionally through it,
The years of blatant self-destruction.
On bended knees, with loving embraces,
Through disappointments and pain, they didn’t let on.

Nothing I could ever say would suffice.
There aren’t words of gratitude enough.
But I plan, through my actions from this moment on,
To make amends, and return to them their love.

©E.D. Allee
April, 2014

Dedicated to my amazing mom and sister.
With the love you’ve given and taught me, I thank you.

 

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Comments on: "Dedicated to My Mom and Sister. Unconditional…" (2)

  1. verbnflow said:

    It’s hard to imagine you without peace in your heart, but I always enjoy reading about your survival. Beautiful. Xo

    • I watched Rachel Getting Married- Anne Hathaway plays an addict. It was sooo disturbing to see parts of me in parts of her- excellent depiction of an addict—completely self centered!!! Was a good movie- long and very detailed (maybe too much for some). The details’ “unnecessary nature” made them necessary. It just really had me thinking about how much these wonderful women went through when I was in active addiction. I can never make amends sufficiently- except by loving them, being there for THEM, staying clean, and living a good life. God helped keep me alive and relatively sane by gifting my life with them. Others of course too, but my heart aches when I consider the harm I’ve caused them. I love them so much. Ouch…… Thanks.

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