Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

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Three hundred sixty five days have past
Leading to a miracle I couldn’t envision
I once wished to end my life
To be free from two decades of prison

Shackled in bondage to an unrelenting master
A jailor spiteful and cruel
One who fed me to sustain my life
Only to prolong his rule

The years grew darker with time
The window to my cell got smaller
I knew little peace with eyes open
And my dreams were filled with horror

The illusory sense of peace
I once so craved and desired
Melted away into pools of necessity
With painted emotions and scribbled smiles

On the last day I used…
January fourth two thousand thirteen
I knew my options were to quit or die
A choice terribly hard for me

Death or life without chemical alteration
Finally live free from addictions’ chains
A decision perhaps simple for some
But I was terrified I’d fail at trying to change

I did choose life, leaping forward in faith
Holding only to a desperate desire
I’d failed many times before
Although my needs were always dire 

I dwelled in a dark abyss of my design
An abyss filled with a raging sea
Kept afloat by drink or drug
The very same which tried to drown me

I quit… I was angry, afraid, in pain, and shaking
Sick and weak, unstable in mind and emotions
Grasping to something I couldn’t see
Hopeless, alone, worn and broken

In time things improved, I began to let go
Of the grip I held destructively tight 
I became willing to get the help I needed
And gradually saw hope in sight

I had an AA sponsor by then
Cynthia, The helper I came to know
Addiction treatment and meetings
Began revealing alternatives to sorrow

I opened up to God, my higher power
I sought diligently to know Him once more
I learned belief was insufficient
My faith had to be restored

My abyss began filling the moment I stopped digging
Eventually I grabbed outstretched hands
The raging sea became an ocean of soft swells
And at that time healing began

One year later, far removed from that darkness
I reflect upon the trials and triumphs
I’m grateful I declined death’s temptation
By accepting God’s help and guidance

If only I had known back then…
I’d have told my broken spirit to hold on
I’d share with her what I understand now
Let her know hope exists upon new horizons
I’d cheer her on each day of success
Hold her hand with each falling tear
Tell her that life will not hurt so bad forever
And that one day she’ll be able to feel
She’d feel without the torment of ever increasing pain
She’d sit still in her own skin
She’d look people in the eyes, not down in shame
She’d break free from the demons within

To myself today I say
You’re a long way from that arduous start
One day at a time you’ve progressed
But you mustn’t ever stop
Stay close to God and continue seeking
So enlightenment you’ll find
Walk forward, using the past as a tool
Demons in wait, grow stronger in time
Know you can never open the door
To the world which once enslaved you
Be vigilant not to fall into the nets 
Cast as traps meant to undo

Way to go Elizabeth
You’ve achieved the seemingly impossible
I will write to you again this time next year
And report on the remarkable!

©E.D. Allee
January 5, 2014

 

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Comments on: "One Year Clean And Sober…" (14)

  1. Such beautiful Ode to oneself.
    But do not regret your choices. For today you are stronger than ever. And ready to tackle another day and year. You are here because of those choices. Embrace them. And be the best you, you can be.
    keep smiling.
    A warm embrace to make you smile. Well done.

    • Thanks crow. It has all been a part of my journey, contributing to who,I am. I think I have moved on from regret now… Thankfully. Appreciate your comments as always!

  2. Good Morning… Thanks for the Inspiration on this Monday Morning 🙂

  3. congrats

  4. Well done, my lovely!!

  5. This is just an awesome piece full of newfound self awareness. God bless you Elizabeth.

  6. Powerful and emotional; your words convey a brutally honest truth that isn’t always found in literature – very well articulated ma’am. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you chose life – a world without your writing skills would be quite boring I imagine. Congratulations on succeeding in your endeavors!

    • You are always so kind and generous with your comments. They are gifts to my heart! Thank you very much. I’m grateful that God gave me the words to express this wild year. I hope all is well in your world!

  7. Spiritual hugs and blessings to you my sister, I was inspired by what you shared and know that you will succeed in all that you seek to accomplish in your life, because of your deep faith and trust in God! Have a wonderful night!

    • Thanks. God’s growing me up every day… Long way to go, but excited about the lifelong journey with Him. No other way to truly succeed! A wonderful night to you as well.

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