Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery


I did not simply wake up one day, hoping things would turn out this way

I’ve lived my life with love and, yet have made my fair share of mistakes

I sometimes reflect on my life, and wonder what could have been

Wishing I’d have made different choices, seeking to start again

Yet I know in my heart what has been is no more, and I can’t turn back the clock

I’ve walked through cloudy passageways, turned the handles of a thousand doors, some of which were locked

I could never have guessed what was in store in my life of uncertainty, chaos and fear 

I’ve dragged myself out of the abyss many times, seeking new growth and to heal

I’ve been lost, I’ve been found, I’ve run away and I’ve stood strong

All the while being true to myself, even when I felt I didn’t belong

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, I’ve learned I must accept and evolve to survive

I am learning still, how I am to exist “well” in this life

If I COULD turn time around and make a different choice

I’d take away my self-destructiveness and would have trusted the right “voice”

Instead I grabbed a needle and I stuck it deep inside

Never had I shared before, but I found myself lost in that moment in time

I saw disaster ahead, yet I sadly placed my desire to get high above rational thought

Because I believed that high would nurture my soul, and in that moment it’s all I sought

I’ve learned to fall into alignment with this harsh and unforgiving reality

Yet I know my life is still filled with promise, and I won’t give up on what can be

 My hope is not lost, if anything I believe it’s finally found

I choose to stand up and fight now, knowing the light remains available and sound

I know peace within a once frightened soul, and I’m seeking to improve my tomorrows

I’m loving with vigor and with a hopeful heart, despite the truth I know

Today I understand that I’m now HIV positive, but by no means does that define who I am

It’s simply one component among many; I will not live as a slave to fear, waiting for the end

I will share the strength and hope inside of me with the goal of helping the hurting and alone

All the while finally living without the chemicals which have acted as a powerful, immovable stone

I’ve been a slave to addiction’s wiles for long enough, and I want to know freedom from the chains

Chains that have tried to destroy my spirit and to take me permanently out of the game

The path ahead will by no means be easy, but I trust it will be better than what has been

I no longer have to be a prisoner of the darkness, and unquenchable pain ever again


I’ve written this in honor of a friend whose journey is nowhere close to being finished

New horizons are in front of him, and I wish him peace and true happiness


I met this individual in an outpatient addiction treatment program – he bravely shared his story and it really touched me.  He has to live AND die with that one instantaneous decision.  One false move is all it takes…


©E.D. Allee

 January 25, 2013


Photo By jscreationzs, published on 10 June 2010

Stock Image – image ID:10017548

Comments on: "One false move…One man’s experience with HIV" (4)

  1. “unquenchable pain” raw and powerful words. The path ahead is never easy when trying to shed a past that clings stubbornly to you. Very moving.

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