Poetic Journey in Personal Discovery

Dangerous Protection

Clean/Sober 7 months and 16 days- this is somewhat painful for me to read- just part of my journey.

This feeling… this feeling right here… that’s the one, the perfect feeling, uninterrupted calm…

I’d almost say bliss, yet there are always the lurking feelings of sorrow, regret, and loss…

But those feelings seem somehow okay right now… when I am high, away in the “beauty”…

Everyone should feel this way all the time… even when the negative creeps in, do they???

I want to be alive when I know these sensations, Like it’s okay to live as just me…

Like it’s okay to smile and to cry… the chatter stops, and I can believe the illusion that I’m free…

Everything around me becomes somewhat surreal… I can pay attention to the stimuli or ignore it…

It’s not flooding my senses without my permission, as is usual, controlling each moment I exist…

I feel alive within my actual body, not outside of it as is typical…

And I feel somehow safe with that reality… safe is so unusual…

How can these feelings be wrong, why mustn’t I know this form of reality???

Who better than me to know what is best for me???

I hear the music, I feel it, as if it were a puppeteer controlling my movements…

And the words I hear are pure poetry, a beautiful, organic performance…

I’m not sure I can really live without this in my life…

I get by for a while… but that’s just the time when deeper I hide…

Is there a way to really “live” without this disguised enemy coursing through my veins???

I hope I don’t ever have to truly know forever…its’ subtraction, and thus life’s true pain…

©E.D. Allee

2012

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Comments on: "Dangerous Protection" (2)

  1. Amen!!! I recently heard the term “embracing my vulnerability”(it’s okay to live as just me) I use that every day. It’s another tool I use to counteract those messages(real or perceived) from the culture, the media, individuals that would tell me that I am not okay, that I am less than. I don’t listen! I can’t afford to!!!

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